On the way to work this morning, I came upon a poor squirrel in the road, it had been ran over on is back quarter, and was twitching, apparently having decided to not use the cross walk [like several other humans on this stretch or road]
It was obvious that the poor thing was either dead or soon would be. As I was barreling down toward it I had to decide, would it be merciful to run it over putting it out of its misery, or if I should swerve and let nature, or some other vehicle do its part.
Much thought went in to the next few seconds. I remember how one of its cousins, tore a hole in my Jeep top and raided my secret stash of cinnamon crispies. I remember taking a bite out of one then wondering why there were no nuts, only to look down and see squirrel teeth marks where the nuts used to be. I recall finding the hole in my soft top (damage to the tune of 500+) and having my jeep’s interior covered with squirrel crap.
I should point out the reason I was hiding the cinnamon crispies in my jeep is because my wife is worried about my weight. I don’t really know why, I have more than enough. I could point out she is also worried about her weight, but any smart ass comments I make on that subject will result with me on the couch and chilled, due to the simple fact that no matter how many heaters and blankets I try to use, I will never counter act the wife ‘cold shoulder’
I did consider that I was in the wife’s van, so any strange dead squirrel odor on the tires wouldn’t be my problem. Plus it was rush hour, so swerving is not really an option.
Still I decided to be evil and miss the poor beast, or so I think, truth is a bus ahead of me and in the other lane swerved into my lane and flattened the entire debate.
All I can say is way too much squishiness for that early in the morning.