For reasons that I cannot fully understand, (or understand at all) I keep getting calls from ‘Microsoft’
These calls are annoying but serve to remind me that no matter how stupid I think humanity is, the fact they are still trying this pitch means that enough people have fallen for it to be worth the time to keep running it.
For me I take these calls as a chance to spread my creative wings. The calls go something like this:
Caller (with an inevitable Indian accent) “Hello this is Majarajs Pednsisofer with Microsoft computing we show your computer has a virus”
At this point I should just hang up, but where’s the fun in that, instead I put on my thickest white trash southern accent and reply something like this
“Holy shit on a stick, Effy Jo shut down that “Blondes with barn animals” website, this here fella says our computater has SARS. Quick go fetch your mama’s sponge bath gloves.”
“Thank you mister, you done saved my family, my youngest, he don’t never wash his hands, and after all his surfing, I just know his peckers gonna fall off now.
SARS WOW – I bettcha we done did get it from that Chinese place we ate at. I thought it was strange them Chinese fellers talking in Spanish – now I know the truth, it’s the Mexican mafia trying to force us to buy burritos so they done gits their cut. I heard from my cousin Daryl that they gets a kick back for every burrito anyone eats anywhere in the world…”
“What’s that Effy Jo ? Got Damn it I done tole her it was a glove not a five shot colostomy bag, never you mind about the gloves, just go get Jr’s condoms, and tell him he can’t go bangin his cousin tonight cause he’s outta rubbers and trying to use plastic wrap instead is why he’s here in the first place.”
Oddly at this point they hang up, or tell me I am not taking this seriously and then hang up.
Personally I think I am taking it as seriously as it deserves!