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Teach your Children well – but not too well.

For today’s twisted tail of parenting, we need to look back to the days when my beloved small sports car was new, and my job at the time required travel 26 weeks a year. I love my little sports car, it’s a convertible, has a V6 engine and has a back seat on paper (the 6-year-old complained about it being too small) I love to drive this, and may have driven it faster than the speed limit on occasion, like days that end with Y.

One day I read that the toll road was going to start sending warning letters to drivers that were in major excess of the speed limit. These letters would be sent with warnings, and threats of further action. Of course the same article said that none of the threats mentioned were legally enforceable.

So if I go between 2 toll plazas, spaced 5 miles apart. I will get a letter telling me how fast I was going. To my wife this would be reason to complain, loudly; to me it’s a challenge! So after flying home I take the little car out and I put it to the test. I make excellent time. The next morning, I get a call, I need to return to the California office Monday, rearranging my schedule.

This is a problem, not because I can’t go, but because I am expecting my letter on Thursday telling me to slow the hell down.

For obvious reasons I don’t want my wife to see this letter! But I have an answer. I offer my daughter 10.00 if she brings in the mail while I am gone and intercepts the letter.

I take my trip and return home, and go to see my hell spawn as soon as I walk in. she and her brother are in her room waiting. She has the letter, but the price has doubled. Being black mailed by my daughter was ‘interesting’ but I was ready, and gave her a second 10.00, which she then gave to her brother.

Any thoughts I had about how nice she was to share disappeared when her brother went down to the kitchen and told my wife I just gave him and my daughter 10.00 to keep a secret, and that he would tell her for another 20.00

My wife went immediately to my briefcase, got my wallet and paid the bribe, with my cash. And was …. What is it when you’re pissed, then get even madder, then madder still? Anyone have a good word?

Anyway as it ended my kids each walked away with 20.00 and I ended up 40.00 poorer, in the dog house for a week and still had a nasty letter that she never let me see {I wanted my exact time, so I could figure my speed}

Moral of the story, have stupid kids – you can always train them enough later to move out…

About rbdavis5

I'm me. If I ever find myself I will either update you or call the authorities (depending of how much of a reward there is)

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