As many of you know, I like to think of myself as a writer, While I have as of yet to publish squat, I write fiction. If you have ever read my works, you would agree that everything I write had better be fiction! This gives me a unique perspective, being as I enjoy lying in my stories, and I would like to think I am proficient at it.
But the events of the last 48 hours or so are filling my miscreant brain with the thought that maybe I should change speeds and write a self-help book “the art of lying”. Others have already written this, so no need for me to, but it should be updated.
I should ask the original authors to update it, to include details about the internet and electronic communications impact on lying. Granted I doubt that Mark Twain will answer the letter or honor the request, using the whole “I’m dead” excuse
My rant is today is brought to you by a couple of long emails from a couple of people explaining how something I requested was not possible because of ‘time’. This would be an acceptable lie, except it took longer to write out why they couldn’t then it would have to just do it.
So my basic tips about how to best lie.
Don’t be specific: if you mention a problem that is stopping you, the other person likely will offer to fix that, and then you’re stuck or caught. Obviously if you spend more time typing why you don’t have time then the task would take, you will desperately need my book .
Avoid lying to people smarter than you. For obvious reasons
Know the facts about what you’re lying about or at least assume the person you’re lying to knows them.
If you’re using email or text or any other form of impersonal communication, be ready for the person you lie too to have a poor reaction.
My last tip – don’t bother lying to spouses. If you’ve been married more than a year (and I would assume dated for at least as long) they will catch you before you fingers stop moving or your lips stop flapping.
Sorry if my humor is off today, I just had to drive down town to ‘push a button’ because the on call guy that lives 6 blocks from the office can’t find his keys. or I think thats what he said, couldn’t hear him over the band in the background.