just a quick update

three whole days and no blog, before any of you have the police check my house for any funny smells, just a quick note.

my humor is dry these days, between unemployment and the meat grinder that is modern job hunting, and other ‘things’ my humor is drained.

hopefully, either the world will go back to annoying me in amusing ways, or at the very least I will find a new center of balance in this new part of the universe I find my self in.

fear not my fellow miscreants, I will soon be back to either my normal ways.

How to eat healthy.

Hello my fellow miscreants. Today I have figured out some healthy eating that I should share with all of you.

The scene started out like more mornings when I discovered that we had no breakfast food around the house. Because we have a teenaged son, this is far from a surprise. He is a picky eater. He will only eat things are food, or look like they could be food, or may have been food at some point, or could become food with some work. Very discerning pallet this one has.

So to feed myself I found myself standing in line waiting to purchase something that would pass as breakfast when the ‘person’ in front of me started to ask several questions. Things like “is this organic? do you have anything that’s certified organic” “Do you know when these arrived ? Have they been here long” and of course my favorite “do you have any nutritional information about this?”(Holding up a food item)

All of these questions brought me to the conclusion that me and my miscreant army need to share with the world

“If you want to eat healthy, DON’T BUY YOUR FOOD FROM A GAS STATION!”

The local we were in should have answered all those questions. Fact is the only ‘organic’ thing there was the mold on the hot dog buns. The fruit arrived sometime around Christmas, and the nutritional information for the ‘food item is’ “Don’t eat it unless you want a diabetic coma or a massive sugar high”

Seriously, I know I am in Boulder, but there are some universal truths. Gas station ‘food’ is more or less various forms of processed cardboard deep-fried and coated to make it pass as palatable. Perfect if you’re a long haul trucker or on a road trip, or desperate for a quick breakfast, but otherwise…..

So why is it that such an obvious conclusion needs to be shared & spread

Its all my fault

Hello my fellow miscreants. For those of you that live in my beloved state of Colorado, today is all my fault.

As many of you read, I made the comment about how, even though the drive to this new position was longer, it was less stressful.

A stupid thing to say, for you see while Human males have learned that there are PERIODS in the human female’s lives that you must not say or do anything. When I was younger and dumber, I more than once found myself in the corner with a whip and chair because I commented about the meatloaf being dry or that a I would rather watch an action file then some ‘chick flick’. This was before I could read the signs and learned the 2 words that would allow me to continue my existence. “Yes Dear”

While we know that human females call this time their “menstrual cycle” in Colorado, mother nature calls it April. So to pay me back for that insensitive statement, and to assure I don’t forget who is who’s bitch, I just finished an almost 3 hours drive to Boulder in the wife’s van (because I have an interview I and possible tech test later today I need my fingers to have enough feeling to type). I am completely emasculated now.

So to all my fellow Coloradoians and to Mother Nature I apologize, can we please have the sun back?

Monday, I tried.

Good afternoon to all my fellow miscreants. My first day of work at the contract job was today. Over all interesting experience, I love running down problems on a system that I am learning as I go (NOT), but that’s my specialty as well.

I was worried about the drive to Boulder. This is about twice as far from home, but because it’s all highways, the drive is less stressful, resulting in my normal snarkyness being kept in check.

Of course I drove my beloved convertible, and while I watched the snow, that was not due until tonight fall. I couldn’t help but realize Monday was reminding me that while it was playing ‘nice’ it was still going to be a PITA.

I also got a call back for a third interview. I think I am going to land this job. But that maybe in spite of the entire universe’ games. For you see my fellow miscreants, I got the call back while I was driving home in a car with no windshield wipers. So in the middle of a stressful drive, in a car that is blind, in a storm that I have no business being in, I get a call to set a schedule for another interview (my third with this company). And thirty minutes after that call, the weather broke, and things were just fine.

So I tried to be friends with Monday, but that’s like trying to be friends with your Ex. It just ain’t gonna happen.

Flea Dip & Chips

Hello all. Taking a page from past experiences and sharing with all of you today. There is a right way to give a cat (or cats) a flea bath – this is not it.

Due to a long string of sorry mistakes, I had 8 cats at this moment (2 were mine, one was an adult street cat my daughter adopted and 5 were the kittens we didn’t know the street cat had when we brought her in [her last litter I will point out]

Shortly after we got tags for the street cat and a few weeks after she delivered her kittens (ugg) we noticed that the cats were all itching all the time. Granted it’s hard to spot psychotic behavior in a cat, after all they are cats! but the itching we were finally able to figure out.

A quick trip to the Vet confirmed my worse fear. One of the cats had brought fleas into the house, and like the mice Momma cat so diligently caught and tortured, one of the cats had shared the fleas with the house.

So I put flea collars on them. This was several years ago, and the collars said they needed to be worn a week for full effect.
The momma cat, hated collars, and tags and humans in general (other than my daughter for some reason) and refused to wear hers. I would find her collars hanging in trees, hanging on wrought iron furniture, any place she could snag it and pull her head free.

My oldest cat started to lose hair, and I rushed her to the vet to discover she was allergic to the flea collar.

The vet gave her a flea dip for free, and told me I needed to do the same to the others (at 45.00 a pop). I couldn’t afford this, so I instead decided that I would use the flea shampoo and give them a DIY flea bath.

The plan: when I got home, I gathered all of the cats (other than the old one that had been ‘dipped’ and put them into the bathtub. Being that I am 6’2 I can stand on the toilet and use the shower sprayer, get them all wet, then spray them with the shampoo, then one at a time I can bring them out rub it in and get them cleaned, use the comb thing and put them back in the tub. Then a final rinse and everyone is going to be happy, or should I say I will be happy, they will be flea free and I can deal with the ‘how to make momma cat wear a collar’

The plan started out just fine, all the furies in the tub together, momma looking for an escape (she knew something was going to happen) but no problems, till I turned on the water, Momma cat got wet, then got mad. As I poured down the flea shampoo, I knew when I went to grab Momma I was going to get an arm full of claws.

She had better plans, in a show of athleticism that I still am impressed by she launched up and caught towel bar with her front paws, pulled herself up soaking wet and put her back paws on it, then launched off of the towel bar straight at my face – claws extended.

Of course being that I don’t want to get killed by a psycho flying furball I dodged, lost my balance and started to fall. Grabbing the other towel bar (the one on the outside of the sliding doors) and while it slowed my fall from fatal to “<explitive deleted> Ouch” if also released all of the now soaked and semi soaped cats from their watery prison

So on the floor, covered in pissed off semi soaped Cats. I thought the ordeal was over, Momma cat sitting on top of the sink glaring at me for making such an attempt and promising death and further destruction should I even consider getting up. The stalemate ended when the kids opened the door apparently all of the loud crashes and expletives piqued their curiosity) and all the furies bolted from the room. It took me several hours to gather them all up, one at a time, and to complete the ‘dipping’ process.

While all but Momma cat got their flee baths, as it turned out Momma cat didn’t have fleas, she wasn’t the source. It had to have been the other cat I had (the only other one that was allowed outside.)

And as a final insult, during my ‘fall’ and pull on the door I ruined it, so I ended up having to replace it, for 500.

I am just glad I didn’t save money this all the time, I couldn’t have afforded it.

A Fish out of Vodka

Good morning Fellow Miscreants. Today to both break my routine (the new one in applications all morning, get depressed about not working and write my stories and book.) I decided to volunteer for the local Science Fiction Festival.

It’s been an eye-opening experience, and lets me to wonder if I am only a fan of science fiction. Not a FANATIC OMG fan. I got her at 6 am to help set up, and the number of people already here in costume makes me question my own insanity!

There are several lessons to be learned here and they can be translated somehow, maybe by those smarter than I, or drunker, or snakier (wait, is any of that even possible?)

1. Dress as a generic character. 2 storm trooper or red shirts next to each other, no matter how varied in quality their costumes are can get along. 2 Luke Skywalker’s or a pair of Batman’s and your costume is automatically compared to the others. No one every wins in those contests.

2. Don’t have an accessory you have to carry around all day. Someone took Captain America’s shield (a solid aluminum disk with a killer paint job) because he put it down, Batman thinks he saw it and is pursuing it. Not sure if this is sad or funny, or in the gap between.

If you happen to be a psycho like me, never answer the question “great costume, who are you supposed to be?” I could have behaved and said “RBDavis, Move!” letting my annoyance out, but instead I told them “I’m Jeff from the Jamie Ryder series”.

Don’t know that reference? You shouldn’t it’s from the book that I wrote and am just now starting to do the publish thing on. In other words except for me and a couple of others, no one should get that reference. Needless to say when the Fanatics OMG (these people need medication) started to debate if my costume was off it took all my will not to laugh. No one wanted to admit they had no clue what I was talking about, it apparently is forbidden to not know a reference from another fan. I am tapped into the wireless router here, and watching there have been at least 3 google searches for my reference. makes me wish I had put up the web site already!

I honestly feel like a fish out of Vodka today.

WTF part 2.

Dear miscreants, this post is actually for the forces in the universe are having so much fun at my expense.

I don’t have a lot of interviewing skills. Let face it I have been on more first dates then I have interviews. But todays interview has left me confused by what you are planning next.

It started easily enough, went out to the car with 90 minutes to make a 30 minute drive. But because I have not moved my car since Monday (or left the house or changed clothing) the snow on it has done the melt cycle. For those of you who live in states where mother nature doesn’t need her medication this is where the snow softens during the sunny day then freezes at night. The result after 3 days is ICE thick, nonnegotiable ICE. The only way to get it off is to 1 turn on the car and crank the defroster and 2 scrape. During the scraping phase, I tore my driver’s side windshield wiper, and after spending a minute trying to reverse then discovered that my wipers are different sizes.

So I was able to drive to the interview with a car that has no wipers, and was able to keep the window clear enough to see out of.

The interview itself was interesting. Took a techie quiz scored 9/10 and made an impression. Not sure if it was my humor, my stunning good looks or the fact that my ex-boss chose that moment to call and tell me about the terms for my temp job next week. I had to make some changes to that agreement, and while that was neither the time nor place to negotiate, that’s exactly what I did.

I have another interview with this company tomorrow. I was given the grand tour and I suspect I will have an offer from them by Monday morning.

WTF ???

Hello my fellow Miscreants!

I am reaching out to all of you today because I just got an insane phone call.

A quick update, many of you know that I accidently scored a contract for my company. One they didn’t want, and blamed me for. They also laid me off Monday, because even without the contract we lacked enough work.

So my indirect boss just called with a 1099 job, for the contract. It would be 2 weeks to 3 months (likely 2 weeks) would require a 90 minute each way daily commute and would pay me 50.00 an hour for 4 hours a day. It’s for the client that they have the contract with. I am not sure but I suspect the client has said “no RBDavis, no contract” but the effort to keep it – IE pay me out the shows they want to keep it.

I also happen to have interview for tomorrow, so my being a bum is going to be short lived.

I am just STUNNED by this phone call and offer! So much so that I didn’t even have a comeback.. Hell I am still stunned!
I wouldn’t ever ‘take the job’ but for 2 weeks I would make enough to extend my unemployment – meaning 2 more weeks of normal or above income.

WOW just when I thought the universe was done ing with me, this.

I think I am going to waive my ‘no beer till I am working’ rule. I need to help to make this decision.

BTW I am tagging this as humor, because its SO INSANE its funny! or at least from here.

Demon Cats by RB Davis

a review of my work – puts me in an almost good mood (having to go shovel walks will prevent me from making the final step to the happy place)

Legends of Windemere

This is a short story at about 4 pages and can be downloaded for free at Smashwords where you can get it for multiple platforms.

To get the book for free you need to type in the code: AT42X

Just a disclaimer that I’m throwing in: The author lost his job the day he put this up for publishing.  They events aren’t connected beyond involving the same man, but if you wish to buy the short story for .99 cents, it would help him out until he finds a new job.  If not then there is the free code and please leave a review when you are done, which will cheer him up.  Either one works for him.

Due to it’s length, I can’t go into much detail about it.  This short story does involve a sensitive topic, which is gun control.  Just reading it, I’m sure it will anger…

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Day One!

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Greetings all

between tax day and the bombing in Boston I am reminded that no matter how much it sucked getting laid off, Other people have it worse.

I have spent my morning putting together my ‘unemployment’ kit.

1) Resume is geeked up and ready to roll! its strange having 2 jobs in 22 years, and one lasting only over a year, but that’s the way it is. besides I didn’t quit the job, It quit me. Already have put it out to 5 places. not bad for a day with no redbull!

2) Deleted all of my co-workers. 2 of them are now friends, the others….. My momma always said if you cant say something nice about those stupid fuq monkeys, you shouldn’t say anything at all.

3) Change my face book picture and update my secondary account. I have 2 accounts so if anyone says they need  to see it, and assuming I don’t tell them to perform oral sex on me and to place their job opening in the rectum, I have a page I can show them.

of course the other good reason is just in case I don’t get working, I shouldn’t have my Facebook profile picture match the 7-11 surveillance photos.