To the Biker in the Rain.

Hello my fellow miscreants,

Today’s blog is dedicated to the gentleman on the motorcycle who shared the road with me today.  There were a couple of things I think he should be aware of.

1)    I loved the Harley hard tail with the chopped forks. The chrome engine and the tuned pipes, the stencil work on the Jet black tank, even the curved 1 piece retro handle bars – all were put together in perfect order. The bike is truly a work of art.

2)    It’s May, the last week in May perhaps, but its May none the less. That means that while Mother Nature has started to take her medicine, her mood is far from stable!

3)    Those grey things in the sky, there called clouds. And while I know that our state is ‘semi-Arid’ it also is “semi-wet’ when those ‘cloud’ things are covering the sun and have been leaking all day – wet is pretty much the only option.

4)    When you see cars in front of both of us throwing 4 foot waves into oncoming traffic and into the lane next to them, your time to remain dry is very limited. … I don’t know if you thought somehow the 6 cars crawling in front of us would slash all of the water away, or if you just didn’t think about it.

5)    When I pulled as far from you as I could, I didn’t realize the water was deeper over there, enough that my little car threw a wave taller than its own roof. Heck I could have hit the top of my jeep with that wave.

6)    Trying to pass me on the right when I am traversing a water hazard, probably not your best idea of the day.

On the bright side, you now have an excuse to re-polish all that chrome, and the bike was sort of still running after your dunking. All that puddle water is going to make those jeans and shirt just smell wonderful. Probably wished you were wearing a jacket, & helmet but that wouldn’t have been as cool!

And FYI – maybe next time just stay a car length behind!

Every time you click ‘Like’, an Author writes a sentence

Greetings my fellow miscreants & a special hello to the followers of my writers blog (yes I’m being lazy and doing one entry for both).

Today’s blog post is of the utmost importance – it involves Facebook, Likes and Beer (never a good combination I know). I have discovered, from minutes of semi research that if I put the words “Facebook” and “Like” together in a sentence begging for you to please do so. Most of the time your eyes will glaze over and you will move to the next dancing kitten video.

I am tempted to say “Every time you click a like, and author writes a sentence” but somehow I suspect my readers & followers want a little more explanation than that.

In truth, Likes for upcoming and Indie authors are important. The reason is because it does a few things.  It is assumed (most of the time) after you hit like, you block the feed. Showing a moral support but not really wanting to hear news updates.  It would, on the surface seem pointless.  But rest assured, the 10 seconds it took for the page to load and for you to tap the like button are valuable.

It shows the publishing world that the author is serious and is out there building a name for themselves. Even if the author is an Indie, the larger their following the more interest there is in their work. It’s a bit like a beauty contest, before the contestants can utter a word and try to show their intelligence, the judges get to see them in a bathing suit. One shouldn’t have anything to do with the other, but hey I didn’t make the system, I just deal with it.

It also gives the author a sense that maybe he can do it: maybe his stories do have a value to others.  Is this false? Maybe, but the 10 second it took to give the compliment to a struggling author could make the difference.

So now the final question – why would I put a fellow author page up before mine?  The simple answer: Beer.  I know a fellow author named Bobbi Kay.  She and I were talking and our follower count was almost equal.  The bet we have now is that she will hit 250 before I do.  The first one of us to do so is honor bound to buy the other some “Author Juice”. She prefers it in a single bottle, usually white, depending on the meal.  My “Author Juice” comes in a six-pack, and if she is buying I get a premium brand, not the swill I can normally afford.  So Please Please Please, click on her Facebook page (below) and give her a like!  Every part of me (except maybe my liver) will thank you.

I would appreciate you clicking this and hitting Like

my liver wants you to hit this and hit like.

or you can stay neutral and hit & like both.

Have a safe weekend all, and thanks!

just a quick checkin

Good morning my fellow miscreants.

No news to report on the job front, other than being called by several recruiters that want me to work with them. I don’t know if they will help me achieve employment, but they won’t hurt it.

The only happening of any note is that I have been asked to help organize an anthology for a group I work with.  An interesting task, considering that 1 I have never done this before and 2 I have little information as to how to start.

What I have figured out so far is that if all the members submit a story, and each story is 10 pages long, the anthology will end up being 4700 pages.  I am thinking we will need to have a ‘culling process’. Maybe make some rules, like your first name has to start with an R and you must have V in your last name.  I can live with that rule, but as always someone somewhere is going to call Fowl!

The other option is to have a strip off.  While on the surface this seems like a good idea, numbers don’t support it. If you take the average age of this group, and the average weight than factor in that 60% are male they flaw in that method should be far more obvious.

The good news is that I now have all the what not do to information sorted out, now I can start looking at how to seriously achieve this.

Whose unemployeed ?

Greetings my fellow miscreants,

today I have had the pleasure of dealing with the unemployment office. a fine collection of Pin heads and Idiots, who were smart enough to get hired, and even smarter to know how to make sure the system was stacked so they stay that way.

The first blow came when the unused vacation was counted against me, it’s considered 2 weeks pay.  To make sure you all understand, this means that because I didn’t take any time off in order to try to keep things working, I will be denied unemployment for 2 additional weeks.  I can almost live with that.

Then there is the severance package – another 2 weeks of pay, another 2 weeks that I don’t get to collect. I can live with that.

and of course, for those that are paying attention, I have a contract job that is paying 1/2 what I used to make. but only part-time and limited duration.

so while any of this could be annoying,  there is a trick, a sneaky little trick the government likes to play,  its called “Screw you”

because I am working, even though it is temporary, they will not start the 4 – 6 week review period until I am not working!  Somehow the promise that they are going to pay me when they decide that I was in fact unemployed, and pay any back fees, is less than reassuring.

but wait my fellow miscreants, there is one more layer to this.  because the contract was arranged by the company that let me go, there will be a 2 week delay as the determine if I was in fact laid off, or if the company is trying to lie to them.

so by my calculations, assuming I don’t secure employment I will receive a blast in 2 months enough to cover the late fees and disconnects.

and without being too political, these are the same people who are going to be running health care soon.

My 100th POST – and a Cautionary Tale

Hello my fellow miscreants,

Not counting re-blogs today marks the 100th entry I have done. So to celebrate I’ve decided to share with all of you a twisted tale of my youth. I will put up the following disclaimer! Don’t try this at home, or when you’re out or if you’re thinking about it, or if you don’t realize what an incredibly bad idea repeating this is. It is a twisted tale of Youthful stupidity, alcohol and dumb luck. The combination of which have reduced my allotted amount of fame from 15 minutes to about 11.

(Seriously, I know how stupid this was, I have never and will never do parts it again! but despite all that, it is funny.)

I take you now back to the end of the eighties. I was staying with my high school buddy down in Arizona, near the California/Mexico border. My friend Scott was in the military and we had a shithole apartment. As it turns out the AC in the apartment had failed, and the landlord had already taken a week to repair it. If you have never been in AZ during the summer without AC, the closest simulation I can think of is Hell, but all the flights are booked there, so you’ll have to trust me ‘miserable’ (with a long string of leading expletives) is the only description.

So this particular night Scott informed me that he was going to sleep on base. We had gone out drinking in an attempt beat the heat all week and as a result he had been late to work every day for the week. Something his sergeant had zero tolerance for.

Because I had no interest in returning to the apartment (it was 90+ degrees outside and already 11:30 at night) I elected to stay with one of my bar buddies.

I knew this person only because we had shot pool most of the week, and he sucked at it enough that I was able to stay liquefied with little effort.

During the night, I was introduced to “Bob” also known as Silent Bob. Not named for his resemblance to the actor/character but because all night he said nothing.

At 3 am the bar rudely closed, and sent Bob, my pool buddy and me all packing. My pool buddy agreed to drive me home, and thanks to no small amount of alcohol I accepted the ride. I piled into the back seat of the 78 Cadillac and Bob was in the front passenger, Pool buddy drove.

As we began to drive into the night, my pool buddy (whose alcohol consumption I had poorly monitored) declared “I pay taxes. Roads are built with Taxes. These are my roads”

With that declaration we sped up to 60 MPH on city streets. After a few moments, Pool buddy thought he saw a cop car. Whether or not he did or didn’t, he began evasive driving to avoid a ticket for Speeding (and the DUI he would have desperately needed)

We drove around before he decided to hit a speed bump inside a trailer park, launching the Cadillac into the bedroom of one of the trailers.

It was at that moment that I regretted not wearing a seat belt.

How long I was stunned for I am unsure, but I remember hearing the engine of the Cadillac cranking as my pool buddy, unaware that his car was both high centered and losing all of its vital fluids tried to get the car moving again [ultimately they ended up needing a crane to lift it off the trailer]

I attempted to exit the driver’s side door, but the bed of the trailer’s owners was blocking it from opening. And I remembered seeing the look of amazement on their faces. Amazement being the best word to describe being woken at 3 am to find a Cadillac in their closet.

I opened the passenger side door and immediately discovered that my leg was no longer functional, unknown to me at the time, I had dislocated my knee and torn some ligaments. The alcohol I had consumed before blocking my pain sensor from fully registering the damage.

Silent Bob had exited the car as well, and by now the distant sound of approaching sirens was filling the night.

I asked Bob to help me walk. He silently helped me up and acted like a crutch. We left before the first police car arrived and worked our way home.

It was a slow painful walk toward my apartment Bob carrying me part of the way. I saw the spotlight from a police cruiser. It was clear they were searching for something, and at this time of the night, the only thing that made any sense was they were searching for me.

The two of us were able to reach apartment without the police catching us, despite the number of cruisers that I noted out searching.

I asked Bob what his plans were, he said nothing. I asked where he lived, he said nothing. I decided that it was too late and we were too drunk for either to matter, so I told him he could sleep where ever, I was taking the couch.

The next morning, the sun was already at his brutal work heating the area. I also received an express delivery of pain from my leg. Bob was still sitting in the chair, right where I had left him.

After several more attempts to talk to him, all of which were greeted with the now annoying silence, I turned on the TV.

The sight of the Cadillac wedged into the side of the trailer was not as shocking to me as the fact they were running it at 10 something in the morning, interrupting their day time schedule.

It was when the Announcer showed the picture of Bob and a composite drawing of me that I found the sudden urge to turn up the TV irresistible.

There are millions of words in the English language, and all of them combined could not express the thoughts I had hearing the announcer talking about how the search for “Bob” ,and the man he was seen leaving the crash, with had expanded. The city police, the county sheriff were being joined by the State Police.

Silent Bob as it turned out, was what is now called an “At Risk Adult” back then, they said he was a patient at a local mental institute. My Pool Buddy was his consoler. They were doing socialization exercises when, after an over indulgence of alcohol my pool buddy lost track of “Bob”

Once again I doubt the supply of expletives available to the entire planet for a year could be strung together to describe my thoughts at that moment.

I found myself on my couch, unable to move off because my lower leg was swollen to obscene proportions. In my apartment, that was already over 100 Degrees, was what the TV was describing as an escaped mental patient.

I decided to call the police, and lie. Tell them I found “Bob” outside wandering and brought him back in and called them. I hopped over to the phone, moved it back to the couch, raided the fridge for a bottle of liquid courage and dialed the number that was up on the screen. I hid my leg under a blanket, hoping they wouldn’t notice that it was 100 Degrees and I was using a blanket to keep my legs ‘warm’

The police arrived in less than 10 minutes. They scooped up Bob and had an ambulance transport me to the hospital. Somehow they had seen through my clever deception.

In the end, my Pool buddy lost his drivers license for 5 years for DUI, lost his Job at the mental hospital, lost his consoling license and ended up paying a load of money above the insurance for the damages caused to everyone.

The police asked me for a statement, and I received an extensive lecture about the dangers of DUI.

So take this as a cautionary tale my fellow miscreants, and thanks for following me to my 100th epic post.

hangover part IVIVVV

Good morning fellow miscreants,

My experiment for going a week without writing is now ½ over, and I have decided this was a stupid thing to try.  Not only is my brain back filling with ideas, but when I’m not writing I have this need to do ‘something’ author related.

This morning I am looking at my computer (which is surrounded by empty beer bottles, as in ‘good thing I didn’t need to drive anywhere quantity’.)  I specifically looked the browser history and the sent emails. Looks like I decided to put my work out to 3 more ‘Traditional Publishers’ and sent to 1 reader.

The reader I am less nervous about, I strongly suspect the review from her will be “it is a good story but it needs editing” with a side of “the editing issues are why the traditional presses are rejecting it”

The Traditional publishers, they will reject because, as the reader above has mentioned it does need some work.  I am also about sure I failed to meet the formatting requirements of one of the publishers, and I also know my cover letter sucks out loud, being as I KNOW I need to revise it but have not done so yet.

So what is the take away for all of this for you my fellow miscreants?  I think we need to get Breathalyzers for our computers.  I know it will make Facebook & twitter and the other social media far less fun, but in the end it will be safer. As for me, I suspect the only way to get past this latest round of stupidity would be to have some beers tonight after “work”. This time with the computer locked!

Want to help students enjoy mathematics

Follow my Attempt to Change to an Author

[Paying it forward, this is a kickstarted by a friend of mine, and a very worth while idea. Mixing Math and fiction is an intresting approch]

Layout 1

Want to help students enjoy mathematics?

The story centers around high school senior Matthew “MatheMatt” Forsythe who discovers a strange computer and a secret door in his school. Determined to find out more, he and his friends devise a scheme to crack the code…and find much more than they were expecting. Matt and his friend, Kelsie, stumble upon: a strange teleportal, a mysterious stranger who claims that the world is coming to an end because numbers are missing or dying off, and a grueling mathematics ordeal. Matt and Kelsie try to rescue specific numbers like 8, 61 and 313. However, they quickly realize that they may have made a few mistakes along the way…

Help students enjoy more aspects of mathematics by backing my…

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Just a quick check in

Hello Fellow Miscreants,

Just a quick check in.  Some of you know I am working contract work, and it has been extended 2 more weeks – that’s 2 more weeks of job hunting after work while waiting for Unemployment to kick in.  Frankly I need to get a job, trying to keep this pace up is going to kill me, I am working far to hard for someone who is unemployed.

This morning was also interesting,  around 4:30 am, someone in my house started a chain saw and tossed it into the running disposal!  I know this is what happened, because there is no way that my poor congested wife sized unit could make all that noise!  Frankly it was a double bad thing. the part of my poor miscreant brain that got conscious first started to run with all the headaches I am enjoying now.  From watching a couple of people I really like move away (and likely out of my life) to all the fun of losing the literary contest and getting more rejections! Toss in a side of unemployment, no jeeping and uncertainty, and I guess 4:30 was my new ‘wake up time’

but fear not, I am NOT complaining. just got another extension on my contract, the book trailer is getting ready to shoot, and I have a business plan and someone who can afford to put some money into it. I also have 2 interviews this week!  my Facebook author page is up to  82 likes, and my name is getting out there [and not as a wanted poster]

As for the rest of the tribulations I am dealing with, they are going to make a great story someday

BTW – we are coming up on my 100th blog post, for that I am going to do something special.  I will be sharing my wife sized units favorite story of my misspent youth, it involves alcohol, a trailer park, and the local police department.  the twisted tale of how I was the object of a county-wide man hunt is enjoyable (now) and with no problems around the statute of limitations.  I will be sharing it soon!

Helping Define Mothers Day.

Greetings my Fellow Miscreants

Today is Mother’s day here in the states.  I was told that today I should get some flowers for mothers everywhere.

What a bad idea! The guy that parked his 8-year-old sport car and somehow took 3 spaces, why would I want to put flowers on his car?  Or the driver that cut you off in the fast lane and went 5 miles per hour slower than you were going ? flowers ? I don’t think so.  The random person that stole my CD collection from the car, they don’t get flowers!!

The good news is the flowers are actually for the biological/spiritual being that helped try to raise you to be an almost decent human being!

Thought I would clarify before I went to go see my own mom, after all I don’t want to come out after lunch and find my car covered with flowers.