Greetings my fellow Miscreants,
Today I have learned an important lesson one that I feel I need to share with you all. Reading is dangerous! There are some materials out there you should NOT read. Todays story will explain this better.
As many of you know, my wife and I have come to a truce about my doughnut consumption. I am no longer allowed to have them in the house, and she now has authorized our teen-aged son to consume anything he finds in my car.
The agreement we have reached, I will no longer use my CC or Debit card to acquire doughnuts, and she will pretend she believes I have stopped sneaking my delicious sugary confections!
Today that system was threatened. As I walked up to my doughnut shop, I discovered it was closed. No explanation, no sign, just closed. I determined after a minute that no amount of banging on the door or licking the glass was going to change that.
I realized I had only two options: 1) calling the white house, or the senate. Having troops deployed to the shop to arrest the owner for treason and forcing him to make at least a batch of my beloved doughnuts. 2) Drive to work and use the not as good shop by the office.
Had I known the events that were to follow, I would have taken option 1
After another 45 minutes (I have a hellish commute these days) I went to the backup shop – this shop is not as good, their frosting is too sweet and lacks real flavor. (I confess to being a doughnut efficiendo). In the store were three women. One older, two college aged. All three had on various graphic tee shirts.
The older ladies was pink, and said “Yes they are fake, the real ones tried to kill me” [and being serious for a moment, a salute to her for not only surviving cancer, but for owning the disease. Much respect from me – now back to the story] the two college aged ones had shirts as well. One had a picture of an angry bear and said “I don’t have to out run it, just you” [cute enough] and the other one had 2 polyhedral dice both showing 20 and the caption “Yes Their Natural”. This shirt appealed to both my male nature and my D&D Geek.
One of the girls said to me “Gawk Much?” I now realize that I was ‘staring’ but in my defense the words on all their shirts were curvy, not flat and took my brain a moment to sort out the words from the breasts.
Unfortunately for me when I replied my brain and mouth were out of sync. My brain was processing the dual thoughts of how much fun those dice would be to roll and how, if there were dice like that in high school, D&D would have been far more popular.
As a result of this when my mouth responded, it missed a word, instead uttering the partial sentence “just admiring your Tee’s”
The deafening silence from the ladies on both sides of the counter was a testament to how badly that sentence needed the word ‘shirts’. I am about sure I am banned from that doughnut store.
Who knew reading could be so dangerous!