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First Aid Advice – Miscreant style

Greeting my fellow miscreants,

            For those of you interested in animal care and effective ways to treat wounded beings, I submit to you the following.  I should take a second to say How/why little Ivan is now wearing a cone of shame.   I took in a cat that was outside freezing (it was far below zero) and while she loves me without question, she hates other cats, hates them with a passion.  Ivan is about 4 months old now, and he is small orange tabby, and folds up whenever anyone furry tells him to.  The boy has no fight, and with his latest surgery, if you want to accuse him of having no balls, you’d be spot on. 

            Last week, Ivan was attacked by her. Not a playful wrestling match, but a full-out attempt to kill him.  She ended up gouging his neck & stomach.  Both of which became infected.

            A quick and costly surgery later, he is not wandering around with a cone and a shaved stomach & neck.   The issue is I have to clean these wounds daily.

            My first method:

  • Wrap Ivan in a towel.
  • Pour a small amount of peroxide on the wounds.
  • Apologize
  • Have him freak out, have him squirm, have him knock over the peroxide and let it threaten my laptop. 
  • Use the only towel that is close enough to save the laptop, IE the one Ivan is wrapped in.
  • Realize someone is bleeding
  • Realize it’s you. 
  • Have cat earn its freedom after being essentially dipped in peroxide.
  • See the cute orange tabby glare at you promising revenge for this assault and indignity.

Needless to say I only used that method a couple of times before I tried the “Dip in a sink full of water/peroxide” – which surprisingly was even less effective. 

In the end, I found the way. Be sure you are dressed in a tee-shirt or short sleeve shirt.  

  • Pick up the victim, I mean cat and hold it by its arm pits, reducing his use of the front claws. 
  • Hold it at arm’s length, keeping the rear claws from anything useful. 
  • Use spray bottle filled with water/peroxide solution, clean the wounds.
  • Sleep with one eye open for the next few years.

This method is very effective at both cleaning out the kittens wounds, and at encouraging the homicidal tendencies that all cats seem to have. 

Oh and on a related subject, anyone want to adopt a stray?

About rbdavis5

I'm me. If I ever find myself I will either update you or call the authorities (depending of how much of a reward there is)

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