The Fur Covers their Evil.

Hello fellow Miscreants,

Some of you that know me in real life (or as close to a real life as I have) know the problem that greeted me last Tuesday. I will spare all of the rest of you the ugly details other than to say my reaction to this was fully justified, and normal.

It’s this reaction that also has taught me that squirrels are actually evil, packaged in cute fur.

It started with I sat in the back yard drinking, not a great plan, but hardly a surprising one.  I had already went and got a 6 pack of Apple ale, (Having a liquor store within walking distance is helpful) when opened one in the back yard.  I then sat in the house wandering between the front and back yard, and consuming the new 6 pack as well as the 5 that were already in the house.  The squirrels in my yard hearing every bottle open as I twisted off its top.

After my 11th one, I realized I would need more.  While I am sure I would have never been allowed to buy another 6 pack (or anything else), at the time my thinking may not have been that clear. In fact it may have been far more liquid then clear.

As I moved to the back fence on my way to the liquor store, something tripped me. It must have been one of the evil squirrels. I landed on my stomach hard… hard enough to dislodge the apple ale I had already consumed and deposit it into the pile of leaves and straw from the garden. While on the ground, one of the squirrels hit me on the head with something causing me to lose consciousness.

An unknown amount of time later, I woke up.  The sun was still hiding (as was my cat) but the squirrels were out in force, all three of the tree living devils were collecting the last of the apple ale soaked leaves and straw that were next to my poor pounding head.  They all sprinted and hid in their trees as I took my poor bruised body back in side and sent an email to my boss saying I was taking the day off.  I did not tell him about the mugging by the evil furry squirrels, out of fear they would block my electronic communications and get me in trouble.

I am sure that’s what happened that fuzzy night.

As a result of this night, every time I am in the back yard and anyone opens any bottle, they gather and wait! Looking for another chance to mug me.

More Humor from the Universe

Greetings all,

The universe has a twisted sense of humor, I have always said that, and always will. Yesterday was one of those days that proved it to me. I will admit part of the joke is punishment for my own misbehaviors and for following patterns as opposed to dealing with real information.

A friend of mine is leaving the writers group & the city, as a result we had an impromptu going away party, where we all sat and drank and enjoyed her company for the last time.  By the end of the night, she was too drunk to let ride a bus home, so I drove her to the other side of town.  My reward for this act of selflessness, I didn’t get home until almost 2 am.   For those that don’t know, I have a contract job this week, which requires me to be out of bed at 5:30 am.

Fast forward a few hours later in the day, when my sleep deprivation hang over is at full tilt and most of my filters are off.  I get a call from a job recruiter reminding me I am 10 minutes late to my phone interview which I had forgotten about.   I dial in and have a brutal interview because my exhausted state. I try to funny, I get the techie bits right – but I also think that they are done with me and this opportunity is closing. Of course just to add insult to injury, about 5 minutes before the end of the interview my phone starts to ‘break up’ [the interviews words not mine] I know it’s because another recruiter is calling me.

After the interview – an email pops to my inbox, I take a quick look and the subject is EKMUU, a short story I submitted again (13th try). This can only mean one thing; the anthology that I submitted my story into has rejected it.

Before I can process that failure, my phone rings AGAIN! – it’s the first recruiter calling about the interview I just finished.  I apologize to her for my poor performance, and hope she will keep looking for me.

She laughed at me, turns out she was calling to tell me that the company was so impressed, they want a face to face meeting next week, and after I slip up and mention the other recruiter, they want the meeting on Monday!.

I grab my celebratory beer and as I take a sweet long pull, a thought in the back of my head starts catches my attention.  The email labeled Ekmuu – it has an attachment. Why ? What would be the point of sending me back my story ? The first thought “because they hate it so much they don’t want it on their server” is quickly replaced by the beer enhanced thought “there is NO scenario that they would send back the file”

Curious I go read the email –

EKMUU has been accepted by FEY Publishing for “Horrors of History” Anthology

I am not sure if the universe is punishing me for drinking with a sleep deprived state or rewarding me for not letting my friend ride the bus home drunk. Either way, plenty of good news.