Hello fellow Miscreants,
Some of you that know me in real life (or as close to a real life as I have) know the problem that greeted me last Tuesday. I will spare all of the rest of you the ugly details other than to say my reaction to this was fully justified, and normal.
It’s this reaction that also has taught me that squirrels are actually evil, packaged in cute fur.
It started with I sat in the back yard drinking, not a great plan, but hardly a surprising one. I had already went and got a 6 pack of Apple ale, (Having a liquor store within walking distance is helpful) when opened one in the back yard. I then sat in the house wandering between the front and back yard, and consuming the new 6 pack as well as the 5 that were already in the house. The squirrels in my yard hearing every bottle open as I twisted off its top.
After my 11th one, I realized I would need more. While I am sure I would have never been allowed to buy another 6 pack (or anything else), at the time my thinking may not have been that clear. In fact it may have been far more liquid then clear.
As I moved to the back fence on my way to the liquor store, something tripped me. It must have been one of the evil squirrels. I landed on my stomach hard… hard enough to dislodge the apple ale I had already consumed and deposit it into the pile of leaves and straw from the garden. While on the ground, one of the squirrels hit me on the head with something causing me to lose consciousness.
An unknown amount of time later, I woke up. The sun was still hiding (as was my cat) but the squirrels were out in force, all three of the tree living devils were collecting the last of the apple ale soaked leaves and straw that were next to my poor pounding head. They all sprinted and hid in their trees as I took my poor bruised body back in side and sent an email to my boss saying I was taking the day off. I did not tell him about the mugging by the evil furry squirrels, out of fear they would block my electronic communications and get me in trouble.
I am sure that’s what happened that fuzzy night.
As a result of this night, every time I am in the back yard and anyone opens any bottle, they gather and wait! Looking for another chance to mug me.